Claire’s Rockin Blog

I heard someone running through the dark forest after me; branches reaching out trying to trip me. The footsteps are getting closer to me, fear and adrenaline pulse through my veins. My breathing gets even more ragged as I push myself to go faster, if I can just reach the other side of the river I would be in the clear. I leap over a fallen tree, I almost made it but my shoelace caught on a piece of bark sending me sprawled out on my stomach. I’m about to get up again but I know it’s too late it’s only a matter of seconds before he reaches the clearing, so I roll underneath the same tree that I tripped over. His footsteps are made more apparent from all the leaves crunching under his weight; I try to press myself even further in my hiding spot, as I move I accidentally snap a twig. I froze, my heart sped up causing it to pound in my ears as his direction changes and he creeps closer to my hiding spot. By now the tears are streaming down my face but dare not make a sound, then for some reason he ran in the opposite direction. I listen carefully for any signs of my pursuer but I heard nothing so slowly I raised my head to look at what was beyond the other side of the log. I looked around and saw nothing but trees, I wanted to relax but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and the only thing left to hear was my scream echoing off the landscape.

            But I think I am getting a head of myself, my story really begins on a cool August night. I was watching the crystal blue wave’s crash on the beach. Just looking at the water moving up and down the wet sand was always calming to me. I always come down here when I need to get away from my father who has gotten worse in his beatings; they have become angrier and more frequent. Now every time I look in the mirror all I could see are the bruises and scratches covering my 5, 11 tall frame. My light brown hair is barely able to hide the wounds that have made their home on my face. My eyes seem to have lost the light that my mother always said they had, to me they look cold and a dead gray color. I wiped the tears out of my eyes and my hand brushed the long white scar covering my right eye, I had told everyone that I fell but that night was one of the first and no doubt the worst beatings I have ever received. All because this old woman Resa I think her name was anyway she started questioning me about my injuries day after day, what’s really sad is that one day my father found out and that night Resa disappeared. I want to die and pretty soon my dad would want me dead as well but the thing is I deserve every hit, kick, and scratch that he gives me that is why I haven’t called the police. Because if it wasn’t for me the accident would not have happened and I would not be responsible for not one but two deaths.

I looked up at the stars shining against the blue and purple night sky trying to connect them and find the hidden pictures that lie within. Looking back at the water I sigh before checking my watch, my sigh quickly turned into a gasp as I scramble to my feet and sprint down the beach to my car. The salty air burns my throat but I still desperately try to reach my car. I speed down the street to get to my house but before I even open the front door I knew my attempt was in vain. I opened the door slowly waiting to feel my father’s wrath “Shannon Nicole Peters where have you been?!” he yelled clearly already drunk. “I was down at the beach” I said trying to get passed him into the kitchen “when I get home I expect dinner to be made and ready for me to eat but since you failed to do that I will have to punish you” he said taking off his belt and stalking towards me. “I’m sorry” I whispered “it’s to late for that now, I’m going to show you what happens to ungrateful little brats” he screamed hitting me with the metal part of the belt, it happened so many times that is doesn’t even hurt anymore, someone once said that my skin was ice cold I believed that is because I have stopped myself from feeling anything what so ever.

            The wiping lasted for almost 15 minutes once he got tired I got up, made his dinner, then ran up to my room to check the damage, my back was covered in long gashes with blood dripping down my back. After wrapping an ace bandage around my torso I proceeded to do my homework and think of yet another excuse on why I can’t participate in gym again. I wonder what rumors the kids at school will start; I finish my homework and decide that it is time for bed. I lay down on my stomach ignoring the weird feeling in my back before turning out the light and falling into an uneasy sleep. As I lay there my thoughts wondered to when and why this all started and I fell into a restless sleep.

It was a dark rainy night; I watched the landscape role by as the raindrops pounded against the window. My parents were in the front seat laughing and talking about how excited they are about moving to Washington I admired the love and adoration that my parents had for both each other and for me. I was broken out of my thoughts by the sudden sound of my mother screaming and the blinding light of another cars head lights blinding my dad. We swerved towards the right and the sound of metallic screeching followed soon after as the back of the car broke through the fence keeping cars from falling off the side of the cliff. I was crying really hard as the force caused me to fall back to the of the car. We are barely hanging on by the front tire, slowly and carefully my dad works way up and out through the open window beckoning for my mother and I to follow him up slowly. My mother got out first then reached back inside the car trying to get me out but I was frozen with fear, my legs felt like someone turned them into jelly. The car slid and I screamed, and before I knew what was happening my mom was carrying me up to the front of the car as the tires slipped closer and closer to the edge. “ I love you” my mother whispered in my ear as she shoved me out the window just as the car fell down to the rocks below “Mommy!!” I screamed as my dad just stood there motionless.

I woke up in a thin sheet of cold sweat, breathing heavily I ran my hands through my matted hair thinking about the dream that had been eight years ago when I was ten years old. For the first few months I blamed myself and dad actually tried to convince me that it wasn’t but after the first year I guess I had said it enough times that he just finally believed me. I looked at the clock and it was a little past five thirty I sighed and got up to get ready for school. For some reason even after the accident we still remained in Washington, dad said that it is what mom would have wanted for us and I didn’t feel like questioning him. After my shower I gently picked out a long sleeved shirt, pants, and an over sized hoodie, I made breakfast, cleaned up then hurried off to school. The day went by as it usually did having to listen to teachers drone on and on about assignments, walking down the hall and getting weird looks from the cheerleaders, I rolled my eyes begging that one day they would get over themselves.

My last class was gym it was the only class that I really liked but it was the one that I could almost never do because they beating prevented me form moving much let alone run somewhere. Coach Megs sent the class to go play a game of soccer before coming over to me “is everything ok, Shannon?” “Yes everything is great, why do you ask?” I asked her putting on my best innocent face, this cant be happening I cant handle being responsible for another persons death. “Well you never really play with the class and you always look like you are in some sort of pain” she explained to me “know I just crashed my bike and hurt a few ribs the doctor said that I should be alright by next week” I said forcing a smile at her, she didn’t really seem to believe me but just let it go and walking toward the field. That was way to close I didn’t want someone else to end up like Resa, she was a sweet old lady with a kind heart and I feel terrible that she had to suffer at my expense, I started thinking about what had happened the fateful day that I met her.

I was walking well more like limping along the side of the rode after a good half hour of my dad beating the crap out of me when a lady who looked about sixty years old pulled up along side me “are you alright dear?” she asked I just nodded. She didn’t look convinced and offered to take me to the hospital which I quickly declined going to the hospital was the last thing I needed. She sighed before driving off, things like that happened for weeks. I would see her lurking wherever I went, it was almost like she as studying my. Then one night my father went all berserk saying that I told someone about him hitting me which I denied saying that I would never do something that would disrespect him. But in the end the confrontation resulted in the scar over my eye and never seeing Resa again, now nobody has any proof of what happened to her but I know deep in my heart that either he killed her or he had someone else kill her, and I grieve every day for her family.

The coach blew the whistle and everyone went into the locker room to change and head home. Since I didn’t have to change so I just walked to my car and went home, I opened the door slowly peeking around the corner for any sign of my father before opening the door all the way and stepping into the hallway. I hung up my jacket and got started my after school routine which included doing my homework, cleaning the house, cleaning my back, and making my fathers dinner. A few hours later I heard my dad’s car pull up in the driveway, as soon as he opened the door I could smell the liquor emanating of his cloths and skin.

“Where is my food” he yelled slurring his words, I wordlessly placed the plate of food in front of him before going back to the dishes. After he was done he shove his dirt dishes in my hands before stomping off into the living room, I washed the dishes as slowly as possible silently wishing that he would leave me in peace to night but alas my wishes were crushed when he hollered from the living room. “Get out her you ungrateful witch!” I did as I was told and trudged to his awaiting fury, I walked past the picture of my mom that was sitting on a small table by the door way. Some how I tripped over it, sending the picture to the ground with a large CRASH I looked up at my dad wearing a mask of pure terror. He looked back at me with wild blood shot eyes “You are going to pay dearly for that! You couldn’t stand taking her away from me in person so now you want to get rid of any reminder of her altogether!” he yelled pulling something out of his back pocket.

I did the only thing that I could think of… I ran. So now we have come full circle from the beginning of my story to end, or in this case the end to the beginning. Why I told you all this you ask, well you see there is a moral that comes from all of this. And that moral is don’t take your family for granted because one day you might have all of it oh and also be careful what you wish for you might just get exactly what you wanted.

Conscience

Most of us growing up thought that a conscience was Jiminy Cricket in Walt Disney’s Pinocchio. Jiminy was the little cricket that would sing and dance and tell Pinocchio right from wrong. His motto was “Always let your conscience be your guide.” Well what if some of us don’t a little cricket on our shoulder or a little angel as some people call it? All they have is the little devil telling them to do bad things time and time again. First it starts out small: like lying to your parents about breaking something, and then you start cheating on tests, or shoplifting. Over time it gets to the point that you could kill someone without a second thought. By then your conscience would be long gone you could do something like that without any remorse whatsoever. If you stop using your conscience, it will eventually disappear hence the saying “use it or lose it.”

History tells of people who lost all traces of their conscience and were then dominated by the devil. People like Hitler and the Zodiac Killer are the perfect examples of what can happen if you stop listening to your better half. For example, Hitler took people away from their homes, separated families and took them to concentration camps where they were tortured and killed. Hitler was responsible for the deaths of over 6 million Jews and 5 million non-Jews and he killed them just because he thought that Germans were better and because he blamed them for all the bad things that happened in Germany. Now the Zodiac Killer was a completely different kind of a bad conscience, he murdered almost 40 people for an unknown reason. He claimed he killed them just because he thought it was fun and because he had nothing better to do. At least Hitler was doing what he thought was right, not that it justifies what he did, but the Zodiac Killer had no morals at all. Some of us believe that there is good somewhere deep down inside of all of us, but that was not the case with Hitler and the Zodiac Killer.

Just like there are bad people there are people with extremely good consciences, people who actually listen to their angel and choose to live an honest life. People like Mother Teresa who did the work of god by healing the sick, helping the poor, and feeding the hungry. She started missionaries and they spread all over the world. She once said “Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. ‘You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,’ the Tempter kept on saying … Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come.”

Another person like her was Martin Luther King Jr. who was a well respected speaker. He was known for his ‘I had a Dream” speech. He once said “An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.” He lived his life doing the right thing and yet it is still so hard for a lot of us to follow his example when others don’t even bother trying. When people actually listen to their conscience it can actually make a difference in the world and give us a different out look on people and life.

People can be good or bad, it all depends on which route they choose in life. They can choose to follow Jiminy Cricket or the little angel and devote their lives to making the world a better place like Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Teresa. Or they can choose to listen to the devil side and make the world better for them only like Hitler and the Zodiac Killer. We all have a choice of who we want to be like and which half of our selves we want to follow. This decision can affect all of us in a big way, so let’s hope our choice was the right one.

Prop 8

What right do we have to tell people not to get married? Who cares if they are the same sex or not?  All that matters is that they are in love. People say that gay marriage is unconstitutional and that it is not what God wanted. Well guess what? God also said to ‘love thy neighbor as you love thy self,’ so if your neighbor turns out to be the same sex as you then I guess God shouldn’t have a problem with that, should he? What do they mean when they say it is unconstitutional? The 1^st amendment says that we have the freedom of speech so I think that if people want to tell the world that they are gay by getting married, then we have no right to stop them.

Back in the day marriage had was between a man and a woman. Well I hate to break it to you but we live in the 21^st century and things have changed; and people need to stop living in the past. Some people say no to prop 8, not because they have anything against homosexuals, but because they don’t want the Constitution to be changed because they believe in the fundamentals behind it all. At the same time, the Constitution was written to reflect all the people of the United States. Now that time has changed the Constitution needs to be changed as well. It needs to represent everybody in the United States and that includes the homosexuals.

What I really don’t like is when people from the Churches get involved, they don’t like it because they think that it will threaten the free practices of religion, which is fine, but it doesn’t give them the right not let people get married just because they don’t like it. Nobody is asking those people to get married to a person of the same sex. Another thing that bothers me is when people say that they are going to have to change school curriculum if they let this law pass. The government is not going to make it a requirement to teach kids about homosexual marriage when they don’t even teach about heterosexual marriages now.

The many people of the United States whose decision about saying yes to prop 8 that doesn’t involve the church or the constitution are just afraid of change. Because of the ignorance that is always present in people’s minds nowadays causes them to hate what they don’t understand. Heterosexual couples feel threatened by homosexual couples because they don’t understand what it feels like to be attracted to your own sex, what people need to understand is that being in love with the same gender doesn’t make you any less human, it just makes you different and that is what this country is made of. This nation was built on different ideas, cultures, and religions. Yes we judged some of those in the beginning, but we eventually warmed up to those ideas and that is what we need to do with this one. If we don’t accept change, how are we excepted to learn and grow if every time we see something different we immediately declare it as unconstitutional or against God. In reality, it’s just because we are to stubborn to admit that maybe something good might come out of it.

Unrecognized Loyalty

          My grandfather fought in World War 2 from 1941-1945 he was in the army as a bombardier in a B-17 bomber. He told me once about a mission he had, he was on a bombing mission over Japan with the sole purpose of destroying enemy planes. While he was flying a Japanese fighter also known as a ‘Zero’ came and damaged the belly of his plane before he could drop the bombs. He was shot in his lower left leg with the 50 caliber gun on the Zero’s wings. Fortunately he was able to make it back in one piece, when he landed back  at the base he was given a purple heart and was forced to go home.

            In my opinion he was one of the lucky ones he was able to return to the life he left behind in one piece, others aren’t that lucky, many families have to bury the bodies of the loved ones the lost. The ones who are able to return home will still be scared for life and like my grandfather most likely does not feel comfortable talking about the horrors they were  forced to endure. Nobody knows what really goes on in the war, sure the news tells us things about what is going on out there but they only show us what they want us to know and not what is really happening.

            Every time the president sends us to war he is separating hundreds of families. Parents loose their kids when they are being drafted at the young age of eighteen, mothers and fathers have to leave their children behind not knowing if they will live to see them when this was all over.

            They have to deal with the constant rain of bullets from enemy guns, not to mention the sleepless nights. The living conditions aren’t much better, they have to limit food so it lasts and there is enough to go around. We don’t know if they are better off medically, if they get hurt there is the possibility that they won’t have enough medicine or they don’t have enough the right kind of medicine.

            They go into battle knowing all this, not knowing if they will live to see another day. The president asks them to fight for our county and that is exactly what they do, they die for their freedom and the freedom of people they haven’t even met. Their sacrifices are to great to go unnoticed so that is why we have veterans day as a way of thanking the men and women for their loyalty and for giving their lives to make sure that we stay a united country and so that we have freedom and rights.

I remember I one winter when I went on my first ski trip. My aunt and uncle took me up to their cabin in the mountains for Christmas vacation. It was really cold when we woke up early that morning. I loved the feel of the brisk gentle winter breeze blew the powdery snow across the mountains that seemed to be reaching for the sky.

I remember the feeling anxious when I first stepped onto the ski lift, I screamed a little bit as it lurched forward to take me to the top of the run. I looked down at the giant mountain before me, I watched as the other skiers go down the hill before me. Finally I got enough courage to go down the hill after I sat there like a wimp for the past twenty minutes. I loved the feel of the wind in the face as I zipped down the mountain, I could feel my hair streaming behind we as I carved different patterns in the newly fallen snow.

I fell a lot the funniest one is when I fell and my face got covered with snow. The worst one was when I went through a bunch of trees I started to panic the very moment I realized that I didn’t know how to stop. I felt the pain shoot through me as I crashed into a tree that seemed to come out of nowhere. I hit it full force I had just managed to turn my head so I wouldn’t break my nose crashing face first into the big oak tree. When I crashed it shook the tree so much that snow fell down from the branches and covered my barely conscious body. Everyone was talking about it for a few days I bruised a lot of bones but otherwise I was fine, that is another story that I can barely remember but that’s how it goes.

I remember when my parents decided to take my sister Laura and I to my uncle’s ranch. It was a clear sunny day, there wasn’t a cloud on the sky, a gentle breeze whispered through the tree. I sat there looking out the window watching the landscape role by as we drove down the freeway. I felt a sudden wave of excitement wash over me as I saw the orchard surrounding their house when we came around the bend. We pulled into the driveway only to see that everyone was outside waiting to greet us.

          My parents went with my aunt and uncle inside the house while my cousins Lisia and Todd took us around back towards the corral were they kept their horse Andrew. Andrew was a light brown filly with a long tail and mane with a white mark on his forehead. Lisia was going to teach us how to ride him, Todd helped me up onto Andrew’s back and Laura got on behind me. Laura gently kicked his sides so that he would start moving. I wanted to try and make him go faster so I did the same thing except I did it to hard and out of nowhere Andrew started running and trying to buck us off. The last thing I remember was someone yelling after that I saw nothing but darkness.

          I woke up to find someone stroking my hair and holding an icepack to my head. “What happened?” I whispered softly I had a massive headache. “Oh my gosh your awake” Lisia yelled “Ouch! Can you not yell I have a really bad headache” I stated. I looked up to see that it was Todd stroking my head “What happened?” I asked again louder this time. “You kicked Andrew to hard and he didn’t like it very much” Laura said “obviously“ I said sarcastically. They laughed as I looked around someone must have carried me into the house because now I was lying on the couch. “Oh no you don’t, you hit your head pretty hard, you have been out for a few hours now” Lisia said as I tried to get up. I looked out the window only to discover that it was getting dark outside “were is everyone?” I asked “they went out to get pizza” Laura told me.

When they got back we all ate dinner and I had to listen to all of them fussing over me. “I am fine” I finally said all the attention was getting really annoying. We left the next day and now whenever we go over there my fall is what they use to scare their new son Jon now he doesn’t go near the horse. Now that I think about it the more time that passes the less I remember about that day.

My grandpa was and amazing person and was really important to me. I wave a lot of memories of him that I would like to share. My favorite memory is my grandpa’s old yellow socks. I miss how he used to walk around in them whenever I would come to visit. I would sit on his lap and snuggle into his yellow shirt, he would always smell like whatever he cooked that say whether it was the eggs and pancakes we had for breakfast or the steak we had for dinner. I remember the sound of his gruff voice when he told me stories. The funny thing was he even wore the socks on Christmas when everything was green and red making him very easy to shop for on the holidays. Nobody could ever really pull off the color yellow it just seemed to fit his personality he was always smiling and happy. So because of that reasoning the family declared yellow as his color. In fact at his funeral everyone was wearing yellow socks. Well it wasn’t really a funeral it was more like a get together or all our family and friends or anyone else he was important to. We had this video that had pictures of him growing up and a picture with and each one of us grandkids. He was a really great person and he will be missed deeply.

I remember when I was camping with my family at Lake Tahoe. It was a beautiful day at the lake, the water was crystal clear and icy to the touch, the wind blowing through, the smell of pine making its way up your nose. I felt the water around my legs as my cousins led the way through the river. I cried out in surprise and pain as I fell, and my head went under the ice cold water. I burst through the surface and swam to the shore where my cousins and their friend Nate were laughing. I just rolled my eyes and wrung out my soaking cloths, we continued or our way back to the campsite. After we got back we went to dry off, change, and get ready for dinner. I walked around our campsite taking in my surroundings I liked the campsite better this year the family was so much closer together we were so close that we didn’t even know who’s camping gear was who’s.

While the grown-ups were cooking the hot dogs, the kids decided to play with the dog and throw around a football. There was this kid riding his skateboard and as my cousin threw the ball it hit this kid in his side. Later while we were throwing the football the dog Ginger was running back and forth trying to get the ball. When they finally threw the ball to me it bounced and when I tried to grab it Ginger tackled me to the ground. I felt her paws on my upper torso as I flipped and fell on my back while somehow managing to hold onto the ball. Everyone was on the ground laughing as Nate helped me up, I looked over at Ginger she was just sitting there with a smile on her face.

After dinner while we were all sitting around the campfire laughing. My cousins Danny, Cassidy, Derek, and there friend Nate were all mimicking some movies and family guy episodes. After awhile they started teasing me about my football performance but I just sat there and laughed with them. They said that was the highlight of there summer.